A story that might sound familiar…
I was coaching an executive recently who was stretched thin and pulled in many directions.
I asked him what he was responsible for. “Our employees, my colleagues, our shareholders and investors, the Board, my family,” he responded.
Notice anything missing in his reply? If not, you’re not alone.
“You’re missing someone,” I replied.
He thought for a few seconds.
“I don’t see you on that list anywhere.” I finally said.
The Leadership Paradox
That got me thinking about the weight we carry as leaders. We’ll move mountains to honor our responsibilities to others yet consistently place ourselves last on the priority list. It’s as if taking care of ourselves feels somehow… selfish. Our identity can become so wrapped up in serving others we forget we can’t pour from an empty cup.
Let me share something I’ve learned through years of coaching leaders and painful personal experiences: Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s strategic.
It’s the one job that only you can do. You can’t outsource or delegate it. I’d argue it’s also your most important job if you want to serve others.
The Real Work – Courage and Faith
I know many of you have heard this before. Put your oxygen mask on first and all that crap. It’s not rocket science. Despite knowing how important it is to care for ourselves, many still struggle to find the right balance.
If it were easy, we’d all be doing it already.
We’ve been conditioned to worry that we won’t get things done or that we’re shirking our responsibilities if we take the time to go for a run, say no to a meeting, delegate an important responsibility, or actually set work aside at 5:00 instead of walking away from the computer but letting it continue to dominate our thoughts.
Those fears are powerful – and usually ineffective – motivators.
It takes tremendous courage to overcome those fears. Remember, courage isn’t the absence of fear; it is being afraid and doing something anyway.
That’s why I also believe having some faith is essential—not a capital “F” religious faith, though that helps many. In this context, I simply mean trusting that things will work out the way they’re meant to (even if that’s not how we want them to) and that we can deal with what comes.
Without that kind of trust, we tend to think we can control much more than we can, leading to unnecessary stress and white-knuckling through situations.
Let’s Get Real – 3 Questions for You
Here are three questions to help you find the courage and faith to put yourself closer to the top of your list of responsibilities. I suggest you take a few minutes to write out your answers. You might be surprised at what you uncover.
- What do I need to trust to put myself first?
- What’s the worst that can happen if I take 30 minutes or an hour during the day, decline a meeting, delegate this or that, or actually shut work down at 5:00?
- Now, check your answers to number two. What’s an assumption masquerading as a fact? What’s likely, and what’s hyperbole or exceedingly unlikely? And of the potential outcomes, what are the likely (vs. feared) consequences, and what will you do about them?
Usually, you’ll find that things are unlikely to be as dire as they appear when we’re stressed. And when we’re thinking clearer, we know we’ll be able to adapt and address issues as they arise.
Action Steps – Start Small:
- Block 30 minutes in your calendar for personal time
- Practice saying “no” to one non-essential meeting this week
- Set a firm work end time and stick to it
Think Big:
- Review your list of responsibilities – where do you rank?
- Identify one key responsibility you can delegate this month
- Schedule a quarterly personal review to assess your self-care strategy
Remember: Taking care of yourself isn’t just another item on your to-do list. It’s the foundation that makes everything else possible.
